Want a real life blog? In case I haven’t been real enough with you yet, here it is.
First of all, as I type this, I’m in pain. Not from a workout. Not from the human growing inside of me. Not emotional pain. Pain from a virus that is causing my throat, hands and feet to literally, burn. I’m fine as long as my baby is fine.
That being said, being on my phone today doesn’t feel good. Walking doesn’t feel good. Washing dishes doesn’t feel good. So today’s real life means that after I post this blog because I vowed I would every Sunday, we are going out for dinner because I don’t want to prepare any food or wash any dishes tonight. Plus, thank God my doctor is amazing and lets me text her so that she could reassure me this is fine for my baby and I am not contagious. It just sucks but will go away.
So that’s for starters. Add that to my shorts and bras getting tighter accompanied by 90 and humid, we are feeling suuuuuper comfortable .
I don’t want tot hen this to a pregnancy blog, but it’s a life blog and a lot of my life is this pregnancy now so this is what I want to share this week.
I am emotional AF!!!!!! holy shit. It’s embarrassing how easily I cry and it’s frustrating how quickly I get overwhelmed if I let myself. I have tried to focus on not sweating the small stuff over the last couple years, and I absolutely practice it now for the baby. Sometimes I get stressed and then I get stressed that I’m getting stressed and I don’t want to stress the baby! So I take deep breaths, go for walks, text my sisters or talk it out. And if those don’t work, I nap. It all seems to help.
Also, speaking of naps. Saturday morning I walked in after the gym (clients and a workout) at 11am. Ate a piece of leftover pizza on the couch, sunglasses still on my head, and passed the F out for over an hour. Woke up, sitting up, sunglasses still on my head. I think they call that fatigue? I’m just grateful I’m able to take those catchup naps.
What else? I want to throw out and donate so much stuff from my house. De-clutter. Organize. And get rid of stuff that I just don’t need and haven’t used. That sent meon a shopping spree to target to finally get the few things I needed to accomplish this. I proceeded to ask Dave to put my new cubbies together at 10pm last night so I could work on them today since he would be at baseball. So he did. I didn’t attempt to put them together myself because I tried that once. One time, we were fighting and I was home alone. I really wanted it put together so I dumped the box out, looked at everything, and said F it. I’d rather make up with Dave than try to put this shit together myself. #notdoityourself.
Ok, sleeping. Pregnancy pillows are huge and that is all. Jk. I’m trying to start getting used to it now. It’s like the Swiss alps now separate Dave and I in bed. I also fell out of bed trying to get up to pee and climb over my pillow. #balancefail
Oh and dreams! They are nuts. My most recent ones have been me protecting my nieces and nephew in stressful situations. So far I haven’t dreamed about my baby or the sex of mini monk yet.
My Sunday morning was pretty nice. The round ligament pain is usually preventing me from going for a run outside. It’s kinda disappointing because I enjoy running on summer mornings but, I’m listening to my body. So instead I did incline intervals on my treadmill. At least until I realized what was wrong with my feet and stopped. Since I’m starving in the morning and mini monk doesn’t let me do much until I eat, I kicked my feet up and enjoyed some cereal on the couch. I used to do this all the time when I was younger. So I grabbed my craving, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and relaxed while watching pioneer woman.
I’ve definitely been enjoying some foods I didn’t eat as often. Cereal, pizza and wraps are what sound best to me so I try to mix in my more nourishing meals where I can. While I want to eat well for mini monk, I’m not going to analyze every food choice. I stopped that before I got pregnant and I intend to continue this way.
However, in all honesty, it’s hard to explain what I feeling seeing the changes in my body. My boobs and my belly are growing. I’m less defined. I realized how much more comfortable a dress is than my shorts. I also realize I’m in that awkward pregnancy stage where you’re growing but you don’t really look like you have the obvious baby belly. I feel like it just looks like after I would rebound from my dumb extreme dieting. Even though it’s uncomfortable at times, I’m more excited about a couple of things….
1. Feeling the baby kick. This could happen anytime in the next couple weeks now. I really cannot wait for this.
2. Gender reveal. Who am I kidding? I have to find out what mini monk is! Mainly so I can stop calling it CHIP if it’s a girl . And then so I can start blowing my money on all the cute baby stuff I see, from clothes to decor. Plus, we have a fun way to find out! Stay tuned 🙂
3. Showing a baby belly and watching it grow!
I can’t say I’m one of those women who love being pregnant as of now. I don’t mind it, but mainly because I’m so curious about it. I journal everyday because I really want to take note of my experience. I don’t want to rush it away just so I can “have my body back” again. My kid is growing in there. I don’t want to resent anything, I want to appreciate it all. Good and bad. Sure there’s stuff I don’t love and will probably be more, but I like to notice the changes. And being a first baby, all the firsts are truly firsts for me.
And finally, in full disclosure, this is teaching me even more, not to plan. I can prepare, but I can’t plan. From how much time off I can take, since being self employed means no one is paying you for even one minute of maternity leave (which is quite unfortunate and maybe something could be done about this) to how I will care for my baby when I do go back to work. Given my business choice, I have to pay money to make money, to have the space and opportunity to do what I do. It’s a fair trade, but it still throws a small wrench in my ability to take time off.
I believe there are several options and it will work out, but some of these things are just not able to be planned right now, so while I gather info, I try to not get overwhelmed with planning and worrying about things not going to plan, because, well, tiny humans are a great variable. 🙂
There’s the real deal, not just rainbows and butterflies, but in the end, maybe that’s all I’ll remember.