CHANGE #5 – I HIRED A COACH (SEVERAL, ACTUALLY.)
Change. We love it. We hate it. We fear it. And man, sometimes do we need it.
It is extremely hard to change yourself. Anyone will tell you that. And I won’t argue that. However, I will say it’s possible. See, most of what we do in life is habit. Automatic. Our brain likes efficiency. It doesn’t want to have to think about things. It likes to make pathways and dig them deeper and deeper by repeating things over and over until it’s automatic so that it can spend time doing the next thing. And we should appreciate this. This is why we wake up and brush our teeth and floss without thinking twice. This is why we always put our right shoe on first. This is why we respond to, “How are you?” With “good, thanks, you?” Like it’s our job, just like breathing. We don’t think. We just do. That is our brain doing it’s thing. And in many ways, we should be so happy for this process.
However, when it comes to change, this is where the problem lies. How do we stop the automatic? How do we fill in those pathways that have been sown over and over, deeper and deeper, so that no consciousness is needed to use them? How do we pause? How do we form a thoughtful answer? How do we check in with ourselves? And how do we change what is already automatic?
Well, step one, a step which cannot be skipped, is awareness. As any coach may tell you, awareness is the win. We cannot change what we do not acknowledge. Makes sense, right?
That is why, the 5th change I made to end my obsession with food, fitness and my body was to HIRE A COACH. Several, actually. Each one for a different reason, until I hired my current coach, which pulled it all together and took me to a place I could have only dreamed of a year ago.
So let me emphasize the elephant in the room right away. Why do coaches need a coach? Well, why do ten year professional athletes, grown men and women, Olympians, millionaires, champions, STILL HAVE COACHES? Because they hold you accountable. They see things you don’t. They call you out on your bullshit that keeps you small. Or losing. Or seconds slower than you can be. Coaches are support. For the 70th floor penthouse is nothing without the support underneath. And if anything is weak or unstable beneath it, that penthouse is moments away from destruction. But if the penthouse knows that their 5th floor is insecure, or their 17th floor is a procrastinator, floor 29 is always trying to support floor 30 and not be their strongest…the penthouse can call them out. The penthouse can make them aware. Help them improve. And together, the whole building thrives in beauty and stability.
As much as we’d like to think sometimes, we don’t go through this life alone. We don’t excel alone. We don’t live in our little bubble where everything is perfect, goes our way and happiness is easy as pie.
We need people. And we need to learn about ourselves in order to grow and improve. This may be as simple as what food to eat and which workouts to do, but I venture to guess it goes much deeper. I would bet it goes back to floor number one. Or to ground level. Or to floor number 4 that got picked on for being fat. Or ugly. Or having a space in their teeth. Maybe it goes back to floor 18 who’s parents got divorced. Or floor’s 20 who’s mom emphasized beauty as a necessity to get anywhere in life. Maybe floor 26 said you’re a failure because you didn’t get into Med school or floor 31 taught you that isolating yourself protected you from the ex that cheated on you. Maybe floor 35 said money is everything but only greedy, arrogant people get rich. Maybe for 40 said abs and asses get attention and if you aren’t a beautiful body to the world, what good are you? Maybe floor 47 said you better eat all the cookies now so your siblings don’t get any. Or floor 50 said stop eating so you’re siblings do get any! Maybe floor 60 said date lots of guys because then you’ll feel loved. And floor 67 said you need a guy in your life to take care of you. And floor 70 said when you reach me, only then will you be happy.
These are limiting beliefs. These are events, words, experiences, paradigms that all have shaped how we live. NONE OF THIS IS WRONG. There is nothing wrong with you for thinking any of this. I had many of these beliefs. And I spent years thinking the answer to fix them lied in me getting a certain body. So I obsessed over food and fitness. But it was just a distraction from deeper things I needed to become aware of. Then address. Then work through so that I could turn them into empowering beliefs. Beliefs that would help me. That would support me. And would move me forward instead of holding me down.
I hired a coach for binge eating.
I hired a coach to stop being obsessed with food.
I hired a business coach.
I hired a personal development coach.
I hired a life and mindset coach. The game-changer. The one who took all the progress I thought I had made and up-leveled me.
The coach who brought me to tears getting out the one thing I haven’t forgiven myself for. The coach who brought my fiancé in so we could be on the same page for our future. The coach who reminded me who I think I have to be does not have to be who I am and that being who I am is where freedom lies. The coach who allowed me to break any rules I wanted. And cheered me on when I did. The coach who listened to me talk in circles for 30 minutes to come out on the other side with the direction I desired. The coach who worked through my patterns with me, worked through resistance, indecision and insecurity to find my authenticity and confidence.
No, he didn’t tell me how many carbs to eat and miles to run. That’s penthouse shit. He went below ground level with me and then we worked our way up together. Not because I was weak. Or stupid. Or a failure at life. And NOT because I was helpless, but because I could ASK for help.
We are all worthy of getting help. But we must ask for what we need.
We all get tired of our own bullshit sometimes. Some of us just choose to ignore it or even take pride in it and defend it.
We all have to get over the stigma of what wanting a coach or support means.
We have to see that we can’t be our best, alone. That is not how the world works.
We all deserve to be supported. But we must want to be supported.
Procrastination. People pleasing. Self-sabotaging. Indecision. Defensiveness. Hiding out. Being strong. Denial. Whatever your patterns may be, they are probably holding you back in some way. And they are most certainly holding hands with your limiting beliefs. These glasses we all wear that color our world one way and sometimes, all we need is to simply, but not always easily, change those glasses.
Like they say, when you change how you look at the world, the world changes.
The view from the penthouse is awesome, but it wasn’t built alone nor does it stand alone.
Are you ready to do the work?
Are you ready to accept support?
FUNdamentally You <3
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