For as long as I can remember, I have always had a schedule, or at least a plan. I love to-do lists because I love crossing things off. I love feeling accomplished and if I just sat around and read or watched TV, I would think I was being lazy. I have really been trying to stop glorifying being busy. Being productive is another story. But I would fill every minute of my life so that I wasn’t left to my own devices. A form of self dis-trust you could say. A huge recurring theme from my past.
So today, with absolutely nothing on my agenda except posting a blog at some point, I laid there. 9:30am. Later than I ever wake up. Windows open. Curled up in my blankets. A cloudy day sprinkled with the consistent sound of raindrops flooding my room with scent of fresh air. The lyrics to Keith Urban’s song, “Raining on Sunday,” replayed in my head over and over. I did not reach for my phone. I didn’t time out a schedule in my head. I felt the weight of my body lying there, relaxed and peace. I recalled a tip from one of my coaching classes: To take one day and live it intuitively. No plans, schedules, time frames, just going with what moves you. Thinking how I could actually try this today, I simply asked myself, “Lisa, what do you FEEL like doing today. What do you feel like doing right now?”
I had already given myself permission to not rush to the treadmill, however, that’s what I wanted to do. It was too rainy to walk outside, and after such a restorative night of sleep, I wanted to move. I went down, caught up on one of my guilty pleasure favorite shows, Total Bellas, and walked. Not for a set amount of time, calories, or distance. I just walked until I felt like I had had enough. My show ended, I walked a little more, and then looked around at the colossal mess in my basement. I had been telling myself for months to get this shit put away. But sunny weekend after sunny weekend left me unable to stay in my basement for more than a few minutes. But today, I wanted to attack it. I wanted to lift the weight that the stressful messy basement had been putting on me. It was so messy, I usually didn’t even want to use my treadmill. But today, after Dave had built my new storage shelves, I decided to reorganize everything. You may think, why would you spend a day where you can do anything you want reorganizing your basement, but I LOVE ORGANIZING things. I love to clean up. I love when things are in their spot and I can find what I need. I find the state of my house to be partly related to the state of my body and very related to the state of my mind. I don’t disbelieve the fact that people have lost weight just by tidying their life up. That’s what this felt like for me today. A relief. A success.
But, before I got to the basement, there were some things I wanted to do first. First, a nice hot shower after my workout. Then, I got dressed. Not baggy sweats and a hoody. I put my hair half up, dug out my mascara, and put on a nice but comfy outfit. I wanted to feel pretty even though I wasn’t going anywhere.
Then, I dug up a new recipe I wanted to try; cinnamon roll apple pie. I wanted to test this out for Thanksgiving. I also browned my chuck roast for the crockpot dinner I wanted to make, an old recipe I had forgotten about. Sometimes, there is nothing I love more than baking and cooking. Dieting robbed me of this love. I felt like I couldn’t do it if I was dieting because I was so scared to stray from what I “should” be eating, even if it was a healthy/clean recipe. If it was different than my “safe foods,” I wouldn’t cook it because I was scared of how it would effect my body. Stressful, huh? So I’d go a couple months dieting, restricting and eating the same foods until I would lose my grip, mess up, hit a wall, or rebound for one reason or another. Then the first thing I would always do is bake or cook something I haven’t allowed myself. What a relief it is to know that I allow myself to bake and cook whenever I want to now. I allow myself to be me. I love to make good food. I love when my loved ones love good food. It’s a part of me that I wouldn’t allow to be around if I was trying to control my body and I can’t believe how much time I spent suppressing this part of me because I didn’t know how it could exist without making me hate my body. The pie was great. The ONE piece I had was great. I didn’t feel the need to eat as much of it as possible because I know that I can make this and enjoy it anytime I want to. And the best part? This was fun for me. It was fulfilling. It satisfies a part of me that I never want to push out of my life again. I was pushing out something which brought me joy out of fear, and I realized that today.
Is there a part of you which you have lost? Is there something you used to love to do but don’t do it anymore for some reason? Life is short. Find that thing and do it. FULFILL YOURSELF.
Then, I ventured into the basement. I organized my footwear addiction which believe it or not, was a big stress for me. I didn’t even know what I had because it was all over the place. I had too many shoes upstairs and my dining room was looking like a locker room, which bothered me everyday for months. But, I put off fixing it. I also gave all my kitchen appliances a home on their newly built shelves and found many things to donate. Slowly but surely, I was discovering my basement floor again. A place for everything and everything in its place. This act of physically de-cluttering my house was more therapeutic than I thought. I needed this done and I finally gave myself the chance to CHOOSE to do it instead of having to do it.
Is there some part of your life that could use some de-cluttering? Could you stand to benefit from bringing some order and organization to things? When we get rid of things, we make room for something better. Maybe that “better” is not another pair of Nike sneakers but peace of mind. Calmness. Clarity.
After hours of enjoyable work in my basement, I decided I had done enough for today. It wasn’t finished, but I was okay with that, I had to be okay with that, because today was my Intuitive Sunday. I didn’t WANT to keep doing the basement. I had accomplished enough to make me feel good and it was time to move on.
Off to my sister’s house to go for walk and get some fresh air with my nephew. I had spent enough time inside and alone today, lol. Right as we set out, lightning. So we played inside, reminiscing about how much we love thunderstorms, even as kids we would sit on our porch and watch them. We would ask my dad, “Do you think we will get a thunderstorm?” They were our favorite. So it was nice to share that together again, and with Jacob, too.
And then, my crock-pot dinner. My mom came over and joined us. A Sunday dinner, cooked with love for people I love.
Do you know how different this day was from my normal hustle and grind? I didn’t do “work.” I didn’t think of what to post for my coaching business. I didn’t think about what workout to do tomorrow because I made apple pie. I was lost in myself. I know not everyday can be like this. I know those of you with kids would kill for a day like this. But, you can all take one hour, somewhere soon, to spend it how YOU WANT to. ANYWAY you want to. None of the “I should do this or that.” Just something you want to do. Lay there and meditate. Take a bath. Take a nap. Knit. Bake. Play with your kids with no interruptions. Call a friend. Meet a friend. I don’t know. You don’t know. Until you give yourself the chance to ask yourself what you want, in that moment. Be present and ask yourself what would feel good. Then, wait for the answer.
There is no medal for “grinding.” We can’t grind all day everyday. And we should stop trying to. Get back in touch with you. Or maybe get in touch for the first time. What do you like? What makes you feel good? What fulfills you? And then let yourself do it.
As I was on the treadmill this morning, “The Kitchen” reminded me that “dessert” is “stressed” spelled backward. Ironic? I think not.
Thank you for letting me share my Sunday with you.
I’ve included both recipes for your Sunday Pleasure.
Cinnamon Roll Apple Pie
Take one package of cinnamon rolls. Roll out each roll flat and cover the bottom of the pie dish.
Fill with your apples (cinnamon, sugar, flour)
Top with the second package of cinnamon rolls rolled flat to cover the top.
Bake at 350* for 45 minutes.
Crock Pot Beef & Stuffing
Brown your chuck roast with salt and pepper on all sides.
Place in crock pot with 2 packets of dry onion soup mix
Cover with beef stock about half way up the roast
Cook on low 7-8 hours
Shred. Add one box of stovestop stuffing.
Let it soften 5 minutes. Add more beef stock if necessary.
Top with shredded mozzerella cheese. Let it melt.
Serve with green beans! Fresh bread optional 🙂