This blog today is not for everyone. This blog may piss some people off. This blog may make you say, “F U Lisa!” But, it may also inspire you to question yourself, your actions, your beliefs, and your “why.”
Today, I am primarily speaking to those of you that are healthy, despite what your weight may be. If you are on meds for high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc. those conditions are of the upmost importance to monitor and improve. However, if you are one of those people who are realistically not searching for substantial weight loss (substantial being more than 15-20 pounds) keep reading.
In my experience of the up and down weight loss of the same 15 pounds over 10 years, I finally had to ask myself, “Why do you want to lose weight so badly?” I was never physically unhealthy. Bloodwork always good. Strong, active girl. Nothing alarming. My weight loss quest was NOT for health reasons. It was not for another human or to have someone love me and marry me, which are very valid reasons for some of you, so don’t dismiss that. My reason for wanting to lose weight was different at different points in my life. My first time wanting to lose weight was because I was obsessed with the number on the scale going down. It wasn’t so much that I wanted to LOSE weight, but I was scared SHITLESS to GAIN weight. So, I had to keep doing what I was doing to make sure I didn’t go backwards and gain weight. I tried to lose weight after I gained weight from my near death blood clot experience which laid me up and changed my life for a little while. If I could lose the weight I could get my life back. Another time, it was after driving the coffee truck when I reached my highest weight. I wanted to lose the weight because this wasn’t me. It was my highest weight ever and I was SO uncomfortable. When I competed, I wanted to lose weight so that I would win. So that I would be VALIDATED that I did a “good job” and today, anyone who can lose weight is like God. EVERYONE will ask you how you did it. The attention didn’t suck either. Often, I wanted to lose weight just so people would forget that I gained weight. And when I opened my own Personal Training studio, I would go about losing weight in order to look the part, look more reputable and succeed in my business. BUT… The common denominator behind these quests for weight loss was ultimately…CONTROL. I wanted to control what other people thought of me and in my belief system, if I got attention for having a “good body,” I was worth more than if I didn’t have that body because nobody said shit to me when I was 155 pounds instead of 140 pounds. Logical deduction. But, not really.
I sought to lose weight after my parents got divorced and I quit competing in gymnastics. I sought to lose weight after I almost died and my engagement ended. I sought to lose weight when my career and future were in question and I was just trying to get out debt. I sought to lose weight to get noticed in a fitness competition and distract myself from a job. I sought to lose weight when my relationship and life were going crazy. I sought to lose weight in order for my business to succeed.
Guess what… NONE OF IT WORKED. Yes, I would lose the weight. Yes, I would feel distracted from the uncertainty at hand. No, it didn’t last. No, it didn’t fix ANYTHING. OMG. All I ever wanted in life was certainty. I wanted things to go as planned. I wanted to know that I had a say in my life and I used my body to prove it. But, the tighter I grasped it, the more my life slipped away. Years went by chasing a number on a scale instead of dreams and goals. See, my dreams and goals became a certain body. And when I got that body, I would get my dreams. And if I didn’t obtain those dreams and goals or I got rejected or things didn’t work out as I planned… wait for it…
I BLAMED MY BODY. I knew I could change my body so I blamed it thinking that when I change it next time, life will work out. Everything will be rainbows and unicorns when I finally stay 140 pounds. BULL. SHIT.
LOSING WEIGHT WILL NOT FIX ANYTHING. The media will brainwash us and we will see people tell us how their life changed when they lost the weight. BUT IT ISN’T BECAUSE OF THE NUMBER ON THE SCALE. They made changes in their life that resulted in weight loss. Why don’t we look at the changes they made instead? Why do we only glorify the fact that they weigh less now and look “better.” (BETTER is a whole different blog to come!)
Losing weight guarantees NOTHING. This is not me shattering your goals of weight loss. I’m just potentially cracking them a little bit. Like I had to do for me. Would any of you that know me tell me I should lose weight? I am athletic and healthy. I survived my major blood clot which is pretty awesome of my body. I take zero medications. I can run, jump, laugh, cry, eat, poop, sleep and LIVE. Do I need to lose weight? No. So, the first question you should ask yourself today is, “AM I HEALHTY?” Then, ask yourself, “DO I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT?” Maybe you don’t need to, but you WANT to.
SO WHY DO YOU WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT?? Be honest.
Is it because your parents stressed your weight growing up? Were you made fun of as a child? Did a partner cheat on you? Is it because you surround yourself with images of the “perfect body” on social media in your spare time? Is it because you have an internal bias toward fat people that you are trying to avoid? Or maybe you are trying to avoid something completely different? Do you think you’ll love yourself when you finally lose weight? Do you want a distraction from life’s stress? Do you want something to blame for anything “bad” that happens? Is it because you want to be loved? Accepted? Respected?
I had to admit my weight loss was for control, certainty, attention, validation, distraction, “success,” and the opinions of others (which is something we will never be able to control.)
THERE IS NO WRONG REASON FOR WHY YOU THINK YOU WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT. But you must question it, openly and honestly.
Your body is meant to be amazing regardless of its weight. I would rather see you on a quest to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF than to just lose weight.
Next week, I am going to talk about OUR body and OUR size and what we DO have control over. It is not what you think.
As always, thank you for reading. I know this is a pretty serious call to action so please message me if you want support digging deeper to happiness.